(Originally written on Nov. 26, 2018–in Korean)
I inevitably had to put the book down and mourn for a moment while reading philosopher Jinyoung Kim’s The Morning Piano one morning. I was severely heartbroken. Some finds life amidst death while others find death amidst life. And the cold weather makes everything blur, whether we left them, or they left us. Feeling sorrow and bless at the same time, I would like to introduce some songs that I often listened this week.
Your name becomes a song
And flows like a river in my heart
If I throw myself away as I follow the flowing river
Then can I meet you again?
River disappears as it flows away
First song is “River” by Yoon-A Kim in her 4th album, Pain of Others. Kim composed, wrote lyrics and even arranged all of her songs in this album, and she did not use any autotunes in the songs. In the interview, she tells that we became brusque because we got a wrong education.
She said, “People often tell kids they are the best when kids intentionally hurt others and move on, and tell that they are weird when they do not ace the exams. We are taught to be blinded from other’s pain as well as their happiness.” She continued: “We are weak and fragile like glasses—and that is why we want to be consoled and comforted by others, but that is never easy. It is not because we lack the ability to feel sympathy with others, but because we are taught from the society that we should neglect others’ issues and problems.” She insisted that one would live happier life when he or she sympathizes with others’ pain.
Yoon-A Kim Releases the 4th Album “Is it okay for me to be happy… I felt ashamed being a musician”
Ah, they’re getting scattered by the wind
Ah they’re growing wetter with dew
Second song is Jonghyun’s “Diphylleia Grayi” in his first compilation album “Story Op.1”. My best friend was once a huge fan of Jonghyun when we were teenagers. As I was largely influenced by his music preferences, I also often enjoyed listening Shinee’s songs or watched their music videos. One day in 2015, I had a chance to listen this song; back then, this song was pre-released and I was pissed because I felt the song was really good but then there was no way to download it. And only by then, I could see real Jonghyun: a singer, an artist, and a human that was hid under the image of a K-pop idol from one of the biggest entertainment agencies in South Korea.
And I saw his agony from his deepest heart.
Looking back, he constantly cried listeners and his fans for a help. Save me. As he confronted his deepest inside, he weaved his confusion with a faint hope and sailed a paper boat of mixed emotions–his songs and albums. Sadly enough, there were more people who viewed a K-pop boyband member as a mere product rather than the ones who viewed him as a human being. In reality, people label the K-pop idol group member as a patient who suffer from “artist disease” when he or she wants to talk something serious.
Ironically, the fame of “idol group member Jonghyun” gave him a wealth and a popularity among idol fans when he was alive, and gave him a public interest–even to those who are never interested in K-pop idols–when he passed away. (and I still hear someone who is never interested in K-pop telling me: “I still don’t know why Jonghyun had to make that decision. He was rich, he was handsome… he had nothing to be sad with.”)
Did he wanted either of the two? I do not know. Watching himself who is present both at the highest top where everyone sees him at and at the lowest bottom cringing inside the well of sorrow, he might have had a hard time that no one would understand. Here, a precarious being expresses a condolence to another precarious being.
Contrary to myself in the earlier days, I recently started to listen his brighter songs among numerous songs he floated: “1000”, “Love is so nice”, “Orbit”, etc. Why do I suddenly started to listen his bright, love songs… Would it be these paper boats that Jonghyun valued and wanted to rescue the most among the countless boats he floated? Anyways, the hope that he might have tried his best to float hugs me and warms me for a long time these days.
We’re hot, still.
Third song is hiphop duo Leessang’s “The Bird That Must Fly Before Its Death (To. Bizzy)” in its 7th album, Asura Balbalta. The term Asura Balbalta is like a word Bibidi Babidi Boo that Koreans often used long time ago; the word is like a spell when someone wishes everything goes well with him or her. I tend to enjoy Leessang’s music from their 4th album as it was once in the same hiphop crew with Epik High; I back then liked its 6th album, Hexagonal, whereas now I like its 7th album (Asura Balbalta) and 8th album (Unplugged). Maybe it’s because I grew up as they grew up and our lifestyle, as well as our attitude toward the world, has changed.
Albert Camus, the author of The Stranger, states in his essay “The Myth of Sisyphus” that people should recognize their lives and destiny is a tragedy. Through the myth of Sisyphus and Oedipus, he claims that simply hoping through religious beliefs or committing a suicide cannot be any solution to this tragedy but rather a flight. He argues that we should not flee from our lives but should persistently discern, survive from and experience the tragedies we are given; by doing so, we would become a stronger being than a god who gave people an eternal punishment.
Leessang’s “bird”, in this sense, could be an allegory to people and their fate of relentlessly pushing the rock over and over–like that of Sisyphus. The song’s last lyric–“We’re hot, still.”–both provides us an insight of the tragic life and a will to overcome the fate we are given. This last lyric eventually subverts the tragic life the speaker mentions earlier in its lyric and gives the speaker a rebirth, from an unfortune protagonist in a tragedy to a triumphant hero in a myth.
I am so stupid;
I want to know everything of you
I am so shameless;
I want to be everything of you
But freely,
Far away
The last song is Jin-eon Kwak’s new single, “Freely”. When you love someone, you often want to own him or her entirely; you don’t just want your lover to stay with you, but you want he or she would do this for you, that for you… and so on. Of course, that is a human nature. Kwak, however, claims “but freely” instead of restraining his lover. The love he believes is a love that respects the lover’s choice and his or her freedom; it is a love that respects the lover itself.
True, he is never a saint or a cool person. He wants to know everything of his lover and further wants to be his or her everything, despite the fact that he already knows he is being stupid and shameless to say so. Nevertheless, he tells his lover that he or she should freely go wherever you want to go to. Hence, his “freely” is an ethical love. He answers the question of “Which love is a true love?” in a slow tempo and a relatively short lyric. Kwak is doing the right job that he is given; he is definitely an artist whom I can anticipate his near future.
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